Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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