Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
