Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
