I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
