she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
