Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
