dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
