this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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