Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
