is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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