just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Green mimosas i think yes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
