Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
