this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
