Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
