You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
