Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
