i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
