hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
