I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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