I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
