Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
