Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
