So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
