His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
