well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
