upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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