Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
