so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
