peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
