that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
