I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
