I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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