Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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