Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
