I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
