My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
