3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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