I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
