Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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