If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
