Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
