i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think people are normalizing furries
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
