He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
