whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
