just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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