Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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