i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
