DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Randomize
