Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
