and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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