U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
