I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
